A Fabulous Tradition That is Anything But Tradition...
We were founded way back in the 1940s by the legendary Hollywood movie mogul, Haroldyn Monroe, along with a couple of his buddies that have since gone missing after lightning hit the main studio administration building which ended up burning down completely — but at least the insurance paid out. Haroldyn was the original CEO of Metro Warner Haroldyn Studios, until, you know, that horrible accident. God rest their souls. Anyways, BJM’s humble beginnings all began with two characters coming together to form a more perfect union. Now we are the most fabulous, largest, most powerful, richest, and best Big Jewish Media mega-conglomerate on the face of this God-forsaken planet, so just get over it already. As an award-winning media giant, BJM has won the Golden Torah Award seven years in a row, the Platinum Pesach Medal of Honor for ten years in a row, the Gilded Gelt four years in a row, the Knesset and Mossad Medals of Freedom and Business, a few Presidential pardons (don’t ask), and of course so many others too numerous to mention. But you can read about it in the history books, right? That is, if you can read biblical Hebrew.
How did we accomplish this so quickly and easily? Simple. We have several original brands masterminded by none other than the legendary new Hollywood Executive Producer and multi-billionaire, Steve M. Steinburg and those original brands are: LIFE FACTS TV, BLESSED SOULS MINISTRIES, THE MORNING MESSAGE, BJM NEWS NOW, and MEMORIES I NEVER KNEW I KNEW. We reach fives and tens of people worldwide, can be found on any device that shows video, audio, and online print media, and we are quickly reaching 330 million people worldwide, as well as eight out of ten Jewish homes who “keep media kosher” — for an additional 2-billion exclusively Jewish media rooms in America alone (although there are notably only approximately 12-million Jews in the United States, since they are smarter than the average goyim, they tend to have and enjoy more media devices). The best part? We did it the only way worth doing: the Big Jewish Media way.
Yes, we’re global, we’re Jewish, and we’re fabulous. Get used to it. Thanks to the pioneering efforts of our award-winning journalist Jordan McNamara, we have been able to open whole new markets, vistas, and bottles of Manischewitz. Yes, our shows are the topic of conversation everywhere with anyone who actually matters. Yes, we’ve made a million-dollar habit out of bringing the next big Jewish thing to TV. But, god forbid, we haven’t forgotten what got us here. Without all of our fabulous people – our creative teams, producers and goyim employees – we wouldn’t be where we are today, which, pray tell is happily residing in several offshore jurisdictions where we are properly understood by our fellow Jewish bankers like the Rothschilds, the Amsterdamsteins, the Bahamaburgs, the Luxembourgmans, the Hong Kongbergs, and of course the Panamawitzbergsteins. All truly wonderful Jewish banking families. We have never lost our kosher entrepreneurial spirit, that mushugana we relied on when we were just starting out wearing nothing more than a couple of schmattas. We put good Jews, good Jewish programming and terrific Jewish partnerships at the center of everything we do, because these are the keys to our success in Tikkun Olam, or roughly translated, making the world a better place. For us.
We are in the very big Jewish business of telling very big Jewish stories that are also Torah-inspired and expertly guided by Pastor Pernid Ferner — born a goy, yes, but he’s been so true to be good that we made him an honorary Jew. They may be stories about really smart people (Jews) or made-up stupid people (Jews), or actual stupid people (goyim), but our true talent is imagining, finding, cultivating and bringing to life the most entertaining parts of the human comedic experience so that we make people not only think, but laugh. Appropriately, and without breaking a mitzvoth. And that’s not just some Mishnah mushugana. We are fully funded while other lesser networks are blithely unaware that their “human centered” approach is, as we say, boring. Oy vey!
We’re tremendously proud of the genes in our genres we’ve assimilated and sometimes created and the way we’ve reinvented the truly massive reach of globally-dominating Jewish-controlled media as well as the military industrial complex, alleged other religions, dietary laws, kosher agriculture sustainability, advanced Kabbalah technology, subatomic surveillance systems as well as counterintelligence and surroundintelligence alliances with Mossad thanks to none other than the incredible MENSA geek himself, Jonathon.
But we also put our gelt and gefilte fish where our tuchus is when it comes to reformative education and dramatic outreach programs for wayward Jewish actors, singers, musicians, wannabeeznish producers, and even a few dancers. What the hell. We empower our nonfiction and fiction people because we know they’re the pseudo-fuel that allows us to be driven in all that we do (Jews do not drive, we are driven), and they’re comedically motivated to entertain and empower our audiences… as long as they pay. Plenty. Period.