Executive Director of BJM's Fellowships for Council of Councils Kosher CFR Programs
Host of TV's "The Morning Message"
Jonathon was born in Beaverton, Oregon, and while attending Boys State realized he was smarter than everyone else so he dropped out of high school, got into Reed and began his quest for enjoying the ideal academic setting overflowing with deep, intellectual conversations that, unbeknownst to Reed’s library staff, happened to be inscribed, weekly, on the bathroom walls. After graduating Reed, Jonathon took to surfing in SoCal for a few years, then left surfing behind as well as his full-rides to Yale, MIT, Stanford, Oxford, and Harvard, to become a media personality at BJM.
He is in charge of the Fellowships of BJM’s Council of Council CFR programs. As a world-renowned application filler-outer, Jonathon helps new BJM members fill-out their own applications and is often lauded for correcting people’s spelling, historical references, social security numbers, and logical fallacies. Jonathon eventually ended up AP-testing for fast-track graduate degree status at Yale, MIT, Stanford, Oxford, and Harvard. Needless to say his alumni network is vast and sometimes incestuous.
He’s a phone-in senior executive board member for several VC firms in Boston, an adviser to world leaders on power-grab strategies and nation-building (as well as dismantling), and he enjoys organically-grown coffee, world-class microbrews, as well as electrolyte-enhanced, low-sodium, gluten-free, triple-reversed-osmosis-purified water. Jonathon was second in line to expat and leak sensitive classified information about the U.S. government but Snowden beat him to it in the final “big money round,” as Jonathon calls it, so he became an informant instead.
Jonathon wrote the code for the very first version of what is now Wikileaks as well as writing coding and other systems for certain above-top-secret national security “black fibre” firewalls for NSA’s “black-ops” U.S. citizen wiretapping solutions. We really believe that Jonathon is his real name as he has never let down BJM whenever we needed to read the emails or other messages of our competition and then erase our digital signature after infiltrating enemy databases both foreign and domestic. It seems those idiots DID write those emails, and that’s why we leak them because they were lying to us, which, as you know, is not halakhah, or a mitzvot, or even kosher. It’s unethical, it’s immoral, and it’s not Jewish.
We support Jonathon in his ongoing efforts to stay clean and sober while attempting to quickly and easily as possible explain difficult subjects in simple language so those who are not as intelligent and gifted as Jonathon can understand what he’s trying to say. He is truly a blessing, and a gift.